Cold Water

In today’s world everyone is trying to leave their mark. Everyone is out busy creating memories with their friends and family. They have jobs, and family, and people that they have spent time with that leaves things remembered.

You would be hard pressed to show me ten photographs from the last twenty years that include pictures of myself with friends or family. They don’t exist. I have spent the last twenty years living like a ghost in this world without friends or people to spend time with.

The memories I do have are the brief few months that I dated someone. My dogs, and listening to a lot of music. But actual happy times that I remember that are of me with other people? Very few if any. I have been alone a long time, no one spends time with me or talks with me. You could check my phone logs and you would find that no one has called me in months; if not years.

What memories have you created for yourself that makes your life worth living? Do you have time with your loved ones and time with people that liked you? Do you have the big success at work that made you feel special? I’ve had none of those things. And looking back on the last twenty years there are very few moments that have been captured in photographs.

Old Photographs

There are even fewer of my mind that leaves me feeling that I have done something in life, or accomplished anything at all. I’m treated like I don’t matter, and that I’m not special and that I don’t need to be here to make your memories worth while for having your lives.

It’s sad when you live like a ghost in the world and still among the living. It leaves a person feeling hollow, worn out, and worthless. I haven’t had the job, or the girlfriend, or the friends to show me love and kindness. My family is like ice and shows little to no affection for me. I feel like I have been shown a lot of hate and more than enough reasons to not be here.

It’s sad when I look back on the last twenty years of my life and only can count five memories that are worthy of having been here. When every day is exactly the same and that of isolation and loneliness are all that you have had, it doesn’t really make for having had a great life. Even other people have forgotten about me and forgotten about the times we had.

Needless to say I don’t feel special or wanted. It’s sad. It could have been a good time. Maybe something will change and make this time worthy of having lived.